From Awareness Builder 101: Chapter 19

19. Bad Bosses

 

Frequently I hear stories about how bad somebody’s boss is. He, or she, upsets people by what he does, doesn’t do, says, doesn’t say. By being there or by being absent at unexpected moments. By allowing something today but tell you the opposite the next day. By a lack of compliments yet generous with complaints. By having favourites and by having some colleagues which he can’t stand; and clearly showing that.

 

By blaming others for his own mistakes. By being deaf for suggestions. By taking the best holiday weeks as well as keeping the Christmas gifts received from other companies all to himself. And probably you have other examples when you think back of that annoying boss you once had. Or currently have….. Poor you!

 

Or, do you simply get the boss you deserve? If he gets the space to be such a horrible boss, what does that say about you? What is it in you, that you tolerate this kind of annoying behaviour?

 

Before you respond with the famous ‘Yes, but…’ and then give multiple reasons why it is the way it is, that there’s nothing you can do about it, let’s pause for a second.

 

There seems to be something toxic in this relationship. Yes, relationship. You are in a relationship with your boss. Of course, there is a hierarchy, yet you said ‘Yes’ to this job and by staying or not taking a stand, you accept it. Ok, maybe you can’t leave today (well, just check with yourself how true that actually is….), yet what are you doing to create an ‘escape plan’? When was the last time you gave him feedback and told him about the impact his behaviour has on you?

 

Or are you staying because you consciously want to learn from this situation so you can be a better boss by the time it’s your turn. Are you keeping a diary with ‘lessons learned’? Are you reflecting on your boss’s behaviour so you can design a profile of the leader you want to be?

 

In case none of the above is applicable, you’re not an employee, you’re a slave. Which is illegal since a ‘few’ years…. And it is not the boss who is doing that, you allow it yourself. It is you, or me, who do not take a stand. It is not our boss who’s ultimately responsible, we are responsible ourselves.

With accepting this unacceptable behaviour, you are your own worst boss and enslave yourself. Yes, I know, there are some, let’s be polite, not so nice people out there who are trying to lead a team and, since they have been promoted to their maximum level of incompetence, they fail. And being in such a team, having such a boss, simply sucks.

 

You don’t deserve a boss, you deserve a leader. One who cares about you and for you. Who puts their people first. And in order to get such a leader, you may have to be a leader of yourself first.

 

 

Journaling questions for this chapter:

 

What does leadership mean to me?

 

Where and how do I need to take the lead?

 

Where is it time I start to say “yes” or “no” in order to get the leader
I deserve?

 

 

© 2025. Alex Verlek, Coaching Works International.

 

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