From Awareness Builder 101: Chapter 21

21. The curse of remembering

 

The other day I met this old man. He was just sitting there on the terrace and I happened to end up in a conversation with him. It took him only a couple of minutes to ask me if I knew his age. Of course I didn’t but it was obvious he was proud of his years and after a clearly failed attempt to guess, he revealed his age; an impressive 102 years.

I love listening to these wonderful old people! They have seen so much, experienced so many things.

Just imagine: 2018 minus 102, so he was born in 1916. This Frenchman was born during the first world war and fought in the second, went through several economic crises, helped rebuild his country. And imagine all the things he must have experienced in his personal life…. There must have been lots of joy as that he must have experienced sickness and the loss of loved ones.

I saw a second ring on his finger and, sharp as he still was, he noticed that and answered the not posed question. He lost his wife three years ago and is wearing her wedding ring as a token of love. A tear came to his eyes and shared he misses her every day. They’ve been together for almost 80 years….

 

“We had a good life” he said, “but those damned Germans, who caused hell during these two wars, I will never forget nor will I forgive them”.

 

His beautiful old face changed. It lost the glow of love and a mask of hatred and pain came over him. Instead of love, I could read the anger and the hate in his eyes. It gave me the shivers and made me sad. He slowly turned around and pointed with his slightly bended finger towards the statue behind him. Like every French village or town, also here there is a statue to remember the loved ones they lost during the war. Mainly during the ‘Grande guerre’, the big war (WW1), they lost many but also the second world war caused lots of suffering.

 

“I lost my older brother in the first war and my younger brother in the second. And I still remember the German soldiers who took over our village. Who killed our fathers, brothers, our friends. Who slaughtered innocent woman and children, priests. I can still hear them shouting when they went from door to door searching for whomever they wanted to capture.”

 

He kept talking and shared how he once decided to never forget, to never forgive his enemies and that for him the war would never be over. Because he would always remember. It was as if I could feel his anger, his hate. His pain. His face dark, his eyes
cold. His open hands turned into fists. Because he once decided, all these years ago, to keep remembering, he never learned to see his former enemies as human beings. Because he decided to remember, he has nightmares every single night. The wars are
over, yet he never found peace. He became a prisoner of war since he could not forget, he could not let
go.

 

When I walked away, I cried. For all the unnecessary suffering.

 

 

Journaling questions for this chapter:

 

What do I need to forget, to release myself from the prison of my
memory……?

 

Where did I harden my heart so I can’t see those who once harmed me as
human beings?

 

What would be the most courageous choice I need to make to let go of the
past and embrace a life free of painful memories?

 

 

© 2025. Alex Verlek, Coaching Works International.

 

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