From Awareness Builder 101: Chapter 10

10. Recovering Calvinist

 

Sometimes things don’t go as planned. After some calls in the morning, I was supposed to see somebody in the afternoon. It had been a really long time since I saw this person and I was really looking forward to this reunion. Sometimes it just happens that you bump into someone where it feels like there is a click from the start. Then my ‘gypsy lifestyle’ continues, so I often never see that person again, or it takes years.

Providence brought us close to each other and we decided to benefit from the occasion and carve out time together. To reconnect, to catch up and to see what the future might hold. Next to catching up on a personal level, I was also curious what we could create together professionally. Whatever the outcome would be, I was looking forward to this moment! After finishing my calls I sent a message where to meet and decided to enjoy the sun whilst overlooking the Mediterranean. It was just a narrow street and the beach of Sitges between me and the sea. Then a message arrived from my friend; something with one of the kids came up, meeting cancelled. Just like that, all plans ruined.

Carved out a whole afternoon….. After all these years….. Several other thoughts crossed my mind. Disappointment and frustration took over. To the point I almost started feeling sorry for myself……

 

Man, wake up! Get your act together and don’t let this ruin your afternoon, your day even! Look in front of you. Sea, beach, people, aliveness, some free time!

A few minutes later I found myself walking on the beach, wow, can’t remember how long ago that was. Walking on the beach of Sitges, there could be worse ‘punishments’ for a cancelled appointment! On the beach I started looking for shells, like I did as a kid. I was surprised, I didn’t find any. Just tiny, tiny shells. I looked up and also found many people without ‘shells’. Both genders felt free to show bellies and breasts, no need to hide anything. Couples in all thinkable combinations kissing on the beach, because they are in love. Another doing yoga exercises on the end of a peer. A mother breastfeeding her baby. Bodies in all shapes and sizes were shown freely. A group of elderly ladies doing aqua aerobics. People were just doing what they felt like doing. Nobody felt they needed to hide anything, nobody needed a shell to hide in. Everybody could simply be themselves. Nobody took offence. Agreeing or not wasn’t relevant, just be your wonderful self.

 

I found a nice place close by the sea to reflect and enjoy the sun and the wind on my skin.

Then I realised what I needed to learn this afternoon. I thought I already freed myself from a lot of the limiting protestant, Calvinistic beliefs I was brought up with. The shell I needed to get out was the shell of ‘thou shalt’ or ‘thou shan’t’. Thou should always keep your promises. Thou shouldn’t kiss at certain places. And so on. I was shocked. Why did I even notice all the things listed above. Because they went through my old Calvinistic ‘thou should (not)-filter’.

Recovered Calvinist. I thought so. This shell seems to be stubborn. But I will break free! Now! And as often as needed. Guess I’m not the only ‘shell-fish’. We create many shells; fear, judgement, shame, worry, not worthy, it’s an endless list.

We are not born to be a shell-fish, we are born to be free!

 

 

Journaling questions for this chapter:

 

What’s the shell I want to free myself from?

 

How am I judging myself or others whilst in my shell?

 

Who can I become when living free from my shell?

 

 

© 2024. Alex Verlek, Coaching Works International.

 

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