From Awareness Builder 101: Chapter 17
17. I’m sorry
Very important words to say. After we’ve done something that is disappointing someone. Letting someone down. When we’re in somebody’s way. Or even hurt somebody. There are many occasions where it’s essential to take responsibility for our intended or unintended impact and simply say “I’m sorry”. Well, simply… who was it, who wrote a song about sorry being the hardest word….?
Often, it’s our ego that gets in the way of saying sorry. Our pride, our image is more important than admitting we screwed up. And with that usually making the situation bigger than needed. Very often people get more upset by us not admitting we messed up and apologising for it than the actual mistake. OK, probably that’s not news to you. And if it is, you just found a bonus….
Then I got to know mr. D.
He is a purser on one of the world’s major airlines. This wonderful man broke a record! He said “I’m sorry” or in French “Je suis désolé’ more often in a few minutes than I ever heard before! Did he make so many mistakes? Were so many things going wrong? Was Murphy’s law happening?
None of the above! It was nothing but his humble kindness that made him apologise. And in a way I respect him for it. Like many people say “I’m sorry” just because something is not going in the way somebody else is expecting. It takes a lot of self-management and/or professionalism to say “I’m sorry” even when you didn’t do anything wrong. Like a friend of mine, who also listens to the name ‘sunshine’, and is a ‘maître de cabine’ for another wonderful airline and sometimes shares tiny bits about how often “I’m sorry’ is needed to make somebody else feel better.
AND: How would the world change if we would only expect ‘sorry’ when someone actually made a mistake? And in all other situations either look for our own part in the thing going ‘wrong’ or when it’s just bad luck or simply what it is, not complain and embrace it as part of life. Since life isn’t freaking perfect and sometimes things are just different from what we may have expected.
Let’s just ask ourselves what it requires from us to look at life this way. AND: How would the world change if we would indeed take responsibility for all these moments where we do screw up and authentically say “I AM SORRY”. Just admit we did something, or did not do something, said or not say something that was needed at that moment. Embrace our human imperfection. Nobody is perfect so everybody needs to say “I’m sorry” from time to time.
And, let’s keep these special words for those moments where it’s really necessary. Where we do need to take responsibility for our shortcomings.
Journaling questions for this chapter:
What does “I am sorry” mean to me?
When am I saying “I’m sorry” where I didn’t make a mistake?
When am I not saying “I’m sorry” where I actually did make a mistake?
© 2024. Alex Verlek, Coaching Works International.
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