From Awareness Builder 101: Chapter 24

24. Reasons to be

 

Congratulations! You’ve found your ‘raison d’être’, you know your purpose. You jump out of bed each morning and off to work with that huge smile on your face. You’re the first to arrive, leaving last. The state of trance caught you and you’re unstoppable. Fully focussed on that one thing that you decided to dedicate your life to.

 

One evening, whilst getting home late, your key doesn’t fit in the lock. You look up to see if you’re so confused that you’re trying to open your neighbour’s door. But no, it is your front door. You find an envelope taped to the door with your name on it. In it you find a note saying: “This key card is for the hotel room I booked for you. It seems all you need is a bed, a shower and room service. It’s maybe the ‘raison d’être’ for the hotel staff to provide you that service, not mine.” Signed, “your ex.”

 

Everything in you resists the overwhelming message on this small piece of paper. You feel like shouting and banging on the door. Yet the energy for it is lacking. A deep tiredness fills you and all you can do is stumble back to the car.

You don’t remember how you managed to get to the hotel. In the room you find suitcases with your cloths and boxes with personal belongings. In a corner your work related stuff. Your whole life, well, what’s left of it, fits in one hotel room.

You look around realising it’s true, indeed this seems to be all you need. A wave of sadness overwhelms you and you cry the most intense tears of your life.

With finding your calling, you lost your foundation….

 

The next morning, for the first time in years, you call in sick. Both surprised and worried your manager asks what’s wrong? “Heartache”, you answer.

It’s true, your heart aches with the painful realisation you more or less forgot to live life whilst living your calling.

You once learned a tool called “Wheel of Life”, an easy way to measure your levels of satisfaction for the key segments of life. You start drawing a circle, divide it in several wedges and you call it “My reasons to be”. “I’m longing to be a good…” is your leading question.

Loving parent. Loving partner. Loyal friend. Dedicated professional. The first words come easy. But then it seems you have forgotten about life. You feel empty. It seems you only lived to work on your purpose and lost connection with the rest of life.

The rest of the day you draw one wheel after the other. After the first one you create specific wheels for each of the different segments. Asking yourself each time the same question: “What are the key ingredients of being a loving partner, parent, etcetera?” With each new layer of selfexploration and self-assessment the picture gets clearer and clearer: You destroyed the balance between your multiple ‘raisons d’être’.

 

That evening, your partner finds an envelope on the front door. In it a note saying: “I turned blind but you opened my eyes. I would love to start over again. Included two tickets to the Virgin Islands”.

 

Any alarm bells going off?

 

 

Journaling questions for this chapter:

 

Of what did I lose sight whilst pursuing my purpose or goals?

 

Of whom did I lose sight whilst pursuing my purpose or goals?

 

What is a healthy balance between my different ‘raisons d’être’?

 

 

© 2025. Alex Verlek, Coaching Works International.

 

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