From time to time it shows up, that so called liberating reframe of the
word imperfect. With a bit of ‘creativity’ the word ‘imperfect’ transforms
into ‘I’m Perfect’.
Come on, who are we fooling here?!
I’ve got some shocking news, NOBODY is perfect. Nobody, meaning not
a single person in the world. Even those who look into the mirror and
come to the conclusion that ‘if perfect doesn’t exist, it doesn’t get much
closer than the person I’m looking at now”, you’re simply underlining that
nobody is perfect.
This whole ‘I’m Perfect’ nonsense to me simply proves we’re unable
to embrace our human nature. We just find it too hard to embrace our
shortcomings. Making mistakes, breaking rules or even the law, lying,
forgetting, even screwing up completely, it’s all part of life!
I think being perfect would also be utterly boring! Never again wondering
whether you will succeed or fail…. Always knowing in advance that
whatever you do, whatever you try will work out without any shortcoming,
not a single error at all. Every exam we take, we know beforehand we get
the maximum score.
Without feeling the sadness of a failed exam or a failed attempt, we would
never be able to experience the joy of succeeding. It would just be normal.
Imagine that this exciting anticipation, this wondering will it work out or
not, will be stolen away from you? This would also steel away the joy
of succeeding, of passing that exam or whatever thing we tried out…..
Remember that ‘joy-gasm’ the last time you heard that great news of
succeeding? When you screamed from the top of your lungs a raw and
loud ‘YES’!! Your heart-beat went up and you were dancing with joy.
Well, being perfect will steal that away from you. It’ll simply make you an
emotional flat liner. Emotionally dead.
Another thing. Let’s imagine for a moment you found the perfect partner.
Your partner’s words, acts, moves, looks, silence, clothes, everything
would be just perfect. I would just freaking hate myself since I’ll never be
able to keep up, to feel equal to that annoyingly perfect partner!
OK, imagine that you too are a perfect partner. So never any arguments
again, hmm, boring! And on top of that, it would steal away good old
make-up sex, nah, that could never have been the idea behind a good and
alive relationship.
There’s a third scary thought. Next to a totally boring, joy-less, predictable,
emotionally flat life without make-up sex, we would lose so many chances
to learn. We need to be imperfect to make mistakes whilst mistakes are a
door-opener to learn and grow. To learn and be creative whilst trying out
new ways. I believe in the old wisdom that where we fall, often the biggest
treasures can be found. Or that acronym, FAIL: First Attempt In Learning.
We need to fail, we need to be imperfect in order to learn.
So here is a small test you can do to decide if you really want to be
perfect.
I want a life without:
o Joy
o Make-up sex
o Learning
If you tick one or more of the boxes, I wish you good luck on your path
to perfection.
If you tick none of the boxes, just get over yourself and embrace your
human state of imperfection.
Journaling “(I’m)Perfect”:
- Where do I long to let go of my perfectionism?
- How is my perfectionism an obstacle to freedom and joy?
- How is my perfectionism an obstacle towards my relationships?
(©Alex Verlek 2019)
I would love to see you the 12th of December at my FREE Alumni Event for Co-Active Coaches
in one of my favorite training locations in the whole world.
P.S. After just 4 days with no marketing we are over half booked.
P.P.S. So if you consider coming, book your ticket now: https://lnkd.in/dHCgJGB
P.P.P.S.This event is held in partnership with Schouten & Nelissen.
As young children we were all totally OK with our emotions. When we were sad, we allowed ourselves to be sad and probably simply cried.When we were happy, we laughed. And nothing inside us, nor anyone around us told us to do otherwise. It was all just fine.
Yet at some point, there was this first person who told us to not cry or to not laugh so loud. From that moment on a web of controlling mechanisms captured us and told us ‘to behave’. Whatever that may be. A system of shaming, correcting, punishment or reward tried to control our emotional behaviour. Too loud had to be dimmed, too silent had to be amplified. Too sad had to be comforted and hidden, too happy had to be normalized. Whilst nobody could give us a book which explained us what the norm was. You had to learn the hard way.
Many of us, at some point, experienced either an emotional explosion or an emotional implosion and the next step was an appointment with a therapist or a coach. And they worked hard, trying to reconnect us with our emotions and we had to learn how to laugh out loud again. Or we worked hard to learn how to express our anger ‘in a constructive way’ or to be with our sadness. Back to where we were, let’s say, up until the age of approximately 3 years old. Interesting process, don’t you think?
Dealing with our emotions in a proper way, pfff, that is hard work! Hmm, that feels weird since emotions are a normal human reaction to things that we experience. Emotions are a natural and healthy process how we can channel our energy. Emotions are ‘energy in motion, e-motion’ after all. Even the biggest spiritual teachers in the world experienced emotions, so why won’t we?
The question is actually, how to use that energy in a healthy way? For sure not by avoiding or ignoring them. One thing is for sure:
“We are killing the moment
by aiming to control our experience of it”.
yet
Experiencing sadness is not the ultimate goal
Experiencing happiness is not the ultimate goal
Strive to simply be content with whatever is,
In any given moment.
By Alex Verlek, November 2019.
JOY IS: Breath taking views and the sounds of nature. Nothing but nature.
The place where I recharge.
My church.
I’m curious what is your favourite place to recharge?
Here is a gift for you. Fulfillment on 1 A4.
Explore what your clients need to stay on the green path. How’s their inner compass informing them. How do they keep this compass calibrated by honouring values and vision. Be curious what they want to read on the billboard when they get to the horizon. What’s the footprint they want to create whilst travelling through life. What’s the legacy they want to leave for others to create from.How does it feel in the swamp when they’re off purpose.
Let me know how it serves you, or even more important, your clients.
Have fun with it!