When ‘one of those days’ becomes ‘one those weeks’. Not fun.

 

When ‘one of those weeks’ becomes ‘one of those months’… That’s when you start wondering why the f☆ck this is happening to you. That’s when you might wonder what Murphy likes so much about teasing you…

 

When life seems to have this powerful plot against you and that it feels you’re just ‘hand picked by the devil’ to be tested and pushed to the limit.

 

The sun lost its brightness and the moon its magic. The stars are colliding and the planets are wrongly positioned.

 

The planets.. hmm, is this evidence for Mercury’s retrograde…? It’s that time of the year after all…

 

Or is it simply Murphy’s law

 

where everything that could possibly go wrong indeed will go wrong?

 

It feels that even that dammed Corona virus was invented to give you a hard time…

 

What the hell is going on…?!?

 

People around you start asking if you’re doing alright. Your environment clearly picks up your negative, to the point of depressed energy. And, when you’re honest, you feel it yourself. You are clearly not at your best and you’ve started to feel sorry for yourself.

 

You start complaining that you work so hard and really, really give it all you’ve got. Even your best doesn’t seem to be enough! Which makes you angry since once you’ve read ‘The Four Agreements’ which says all you can do is your best.

 

Bottom line, you agree with yourself that life is just unfair and the world should feel sorry for you. As you do…

 

Wake up and read that book again!

 

Yes, it indeed says that all you can do is your best. Yet, it doesn’t promise at all that when you try something, it will always be a great success, nor does it define what success is.

 

Not every race you start, you will win, even if you did your very, very best.

 

It’s time to start making a distinction between not winning and being a loser. No, not being a winner doesn’t make you a loser! Nor does it mean you’re not good enough or tried hard enough.

 

It simply means the universe loves you so much that it avoids you becoming spoiled rotten and arrogant. You might be born with a golden spoon in your mouth, yet sometimes you will be fed something bitter on that golden spoon.

 

Just because life isn’t always only serving desserts and champagne! It’s a normal and even healthy part of life that we experience ups and downs. It forms and shapes us, it teaches us essential lessons.

 

I’m sure you get all this. You’re a smart person after all and looking back at the challenges life gave you, you probably even see the gift in the struggle.

 

What I find the toughest part in all of this, is to stand firm and not overreact in the midst of the storm. To hold on to the believe this storm will pass and that I’m experiencing this storm since I need to learn something. That I need to transform into an upgraded version of myself and that, before getting there, I have to go through the goo.

 

So, how do you choose to be whilst going from goo to good?

 

When life’s sand storms are shaping you, will you make the process even harder with all your complaining and feeling sorry for yourself?

 

Or do you choose to lean into the pain, take some deep breaths and hold your head up high?

 

Yes, even when we go through difficult times, we’re at choice. How we choose to be whilst we’re in the midst of a storm, will make a huge difference how we’ll experience the storm.

 

It’s a tough one and I frequently fail myself. These are the moments that I’m grateful to have people around who love me so much, that they give me honest feedback on my behaviour. And at the same time put an arm around my shoulder, asking what I need to stand tall. This takes a lot since it’s much easier to complain about someone’s behaviour, than to be there for them. With loving, courageous honesty.

 

Sometimes we’re the one that struggles. Sometimes we’re the witness. In both cases our response to that makes all the difference. Murphy’s law nor Mercury’s retrogrgrade are there to tease you. They’re there just to test and grow you. If you dare to allow it and choose to create something good from going through the goo.

 

{MY PERSONAL INVITATION} Join me on a series of group Zoom calls on Friday, March 20 and Saturday, March 21st.

 

I want to be there to support YOU on how to go from “Goo to Good” and create from the mess in these challenging times.

 

I want to share my vision on how we coaches can show up as leaders in all of this. For ourselves, our loved ones, our community, our clients. I also want to hear your thoughts and brainstorm. This is a time to co-create!

 

1st call 20.03.20 at 14PM – FULLY BOOKED

 

{RESPECT CHALLENGE} This week I want to challenge you to just say a conscious and genuine THANK YOU to the people who serve you. 

 

• Thank you for the work YOU do. 
• Thank You for YOUR service. 
• Thank You for YOUR kindness.

 

What would be the impact of that? Please share in the comments below. Maybe also from how the people on the receiving end respond…

 

Watch my video below 🙂 

 

 

The other day I shared a FB post about celebrating 18 years of marriage.

I shared that during this time we experienced many moments of love as well as that we struggled. That we experienced some exciting adventures together and that it sometimes was just boring. That we made a lot of money and we lost it all. That serious illness was part of the game for many years. As was the process of healing. 

 

Amongst many congratulations, smileys and “way to go” messages, there were questions  about me daring to share all this personal stuff.

 

Let’s get real..

 

What is personal about talking about ups in relationships? What is personal to talk about downs in relationships. What makes us keep up appearances and  play the “pretending everything is fine” game.

 

You know what?

 

F*CK “keeping up appearances” .

 

Do this instead.

 

 

My mom told me that the first sentence I could speak when I was a little boy was: “Alex can do it alone.” If my mom would have been a coach back then, she could have asked: “Alex, what is important to you about that?”  And maybe, if I were a smart-ass kid, I would have said: “I’m honouring my value of independence.”

 

Something like that. Total BS, of course 🙂 As a little boy, I just wanted to try out things and discover the world on my own.

 

Later on, when this little boy grew in a bit of a bigger boy, he was still trying to do everything alone. Totally convinced that this is the best way.

 

Eventually I discovered that there is nothing wrong with value of independence or doing things alone. Yet, you are human, social  being. And you are meant to be in interaction with  other people. You are meant to use each other’s skills, each other’s talents in order to create something bigger together.

 

So I’ve discovered the quality of Asking For Help. Because I can’t do everything on my own. And it is amazing to see  how people are kind enough to offer their help when you just ask for it. They surprise you even with how far they would go for that.

 

Asking for help is often something that we shy away from. And it proved  to be actually Leadership Skill N1.

 

I’m curious to know what is your relationship with it?

 

Today I wanted to talk with you about my dog, Bibi. The best dog in the world.

 

And my dog is a Border Collie. Something that stands out about this kind of dog is their “will to please”. No greater joy than pleasing their boss.

 

This quality would make any employee the employee of the year:-)

 

They please and please and will do so even to the point it’ll kill them.

 

An inexperienced owner of a border collie can overlook how tired they actually are, to the point they could drop dead in their unstoppable will to please. I call this overdeveloped will to please  –  the “Border Collie Syndrome”.

 

And sadly enough, you and I sometimes suffer from that same Border Collie Syndrome. What is it  that makes us act as we are the Border Collie dogs?  And what I invite you to do instead?

 

Check my video answer below:

 

 

P.S. Please, share your thoughts in the comments below.

CTI’s #Certification program is probably the biggest gift you can give yourself. Both for your professional growth as a coach as well as for you personally.

 

I did it many years ago and it boosted my practice and my confidence.

 

Here we are. 

 

It’s already mid-January. Time flies when one is having fun, isn’t it? 

 

And here is an intriguing thing. I hear a lot of people talking about New Year’s Resolutions. They’re actually not just talking about it. They are complaining about it.

 

They want those extra kilos to go, zero alcohol, marathon level of jogging and exercises, daily meditation practices.

All that from the 1st of January. Of course. 

 

All those are great intentions. And yet… 

 

Here we are in the second half of January. The kilos are still there, the first bottles of wine have been opened and frequently it’s just too cold for jogging or way too early for morning meditations. 

 

Isn’t it intriguing? Because all those people with NY Resolutions are brilliant and smart people.
What is it that those New Year’s Resolutions do not work? And what I invite you to do instead? 

 

Check my video answer below:

 

 

P.S. Please, share your thoughts in the comments below.

The other day, in the feedback round of a course I’d been leading, a participant shared that I inspired her to reconnect with the child in her. When she spoke, she had happy tears in her eyes. Her eyes sparkled. They sparkled with a different kind of energy. I saw playfulness and creativity. Lightness and joy. Hope and even a tiny bit of ‘not giving a fuck’. A bit rebellious maybe, ready to stir things up.
This feedback felt as one of the bigger compliments I’ve received in a long time…

 

You know, when we look at those young kids, don’t we all melt a bit?

 

When we see how carefree they dare to be, aren’t we all a bit jealous?

 

When we witness how they respond when they make a mistake – and just keep trying – aren’t we all longing to have that back again?

 

Aren’t we longing back to those years where we were still clueless what ‘ego’ or ‘perfectionism’ meant? Where we weren’t aware of ‘politically correct’?

 

These years of our pure, childlike innocence and playfulness. Where did they go…..?

 

Maybe that’s even the wrong question to ask! Maybe instead ask yourself, where did the child in me go?

 

You’re still the same person, your DNA didn’t change. In essence, you’re still the same. Ok, I totally get that with growing up certain responsibilities come. Yet, does it all have to be so serious? Really…?

 

My longing for you is that you reconnect with your inner child and listen with an open heart for what it’s asking, or even screaming for. What is it that wants to break free again? You didn’t go through your teenage years to become a boring adult after all, did you?

 

Here is a request: will you look for a picture of you as a child and spend some time reconnecting with what you see, what you feel in its essence?

 

Then compare that with what you now see in the mirror. On a picture where you’re not posing to look impressive on social media.

 

What do you notice?

 

From there, what do you long for?

 

 

© Alex Verlek, January 2020