These are still times where we all are going through circumstances such as we’ve never experienced before. Many of us are locked up in a little box called ‘our house’. It’s almost inevitable that more conflict than ever before is happening in your house.

 

You’re locked up with your loved ones. Yet everybody is lacking space and breathing time as they are trying to do their best to re-adjust to the new reality.

 

So what can we do to help ourselves and our loved ones to not blow the conflict out of the proportions. To keep it within reason instead? And more importantly, how do we want to be when conflict is happening?

 

Watch my video – answer below.  And please share in the comments below what are YOUR best conflict resolution strategies these days?

 

 

P.S. By the way, the brand new, specially designed ‘Conflict Transformation Model’ is one of the coaching tools I will be presenting during my online masterclass held on the 19th of February 2021. If you are interested to join, please do not wait too long. 40% of all tickets were sold after 3 days.

 

For all the details & online booking click here

One of the most forgotten coaching skills.

The time and space we give our clients at the very beginning of the coaching session to get stuff of their chest so they can be present to the session.

You know, when they just got a speeding ticket or they had an argument with their partner or colleague. Or their pet just died. That letter from the tax authorities they didn’t expect.

All these things occupy your clients mental space and unless you give them a chance to vent this, it’s very likely they stay in that energy the whole session.

The special times we’re now experiencing, has an impact on everybody. Not a single person in the world isn’t impacted. For some the impact is huge, for others not so much.

Yet we don’t know, maybe our clients aren’t even aware of the energy they carry.
What a gift that you slow down a moment to check in with them. To ask how they’re doing.

A way to do this, is to use the body-mind-heart-spirit check in. After asking them to slow down their breathing, maybe close their eyes, you do a ‘body scan’. You ask them what they notice in their mind. How their heart is doing. What’s happening for their spirit.

No need to even answer those questions, just let them connect with it.

After completing this, ask them if they feel like sharing something. If there is anything they need to get of their chest, if there’s something they feel like venting. Maybe they just want to ‘complain’ for a few minutes.

Whilst you focus on the whole person, let them be. Let them connect with what is going on for them and only after that, they are ready to focus and be present.

Even that is not a given! Maybe they need more time, maybe even the whole session for this. This is where you either give them way more space than normal to be in ‘story telling’ mode.As long as you feel they are exploring new grounds, cleaning up their energy, fine, let it be.

 

From there you may also choose to go into Process coaching. When you feel there is a stuck emotion, a stuck energy, ask permission to go and explore that.

Bottomline, meet your clients where they are and when clearing is needed, give them the space for it.

And oh, what is it that you need to clear before you can be fully present? Remember, coaches are just normal human beings….

 

BE well. DO good.

Alex Verlek, CPCC/MCC

 

When ‘one of those days’ becomes ‘one those weeks’. Not fun.

 

When ‘one of those weeks’ becomes ‘one of those months’… That’s when you start wondering why the f☆ck this is happening to you. That’s when you might wonder what Murphy likes so much about teasing you…

 

When life seems to have this powerful plot against you and that it feels you’re just ‘hand picked by the devil’ to be tested and pushed to the limit.

 

The sun lost its brightness and the moon its magic. The stars are colliding and the planets are wrongly positioned.

 

The planets.. hmm, is this evidence for Mercury’s retrograde…? It’s that time of the year after all…

 

Or is it simply Murphy’s law

 

where everything that could possibly go wrong indeed will go wrong?

 

It feels that even that dammed Corona virus was invented to give you a hard time…

 

What the hell is going on…?!?

 

People around you start asking if you’re doing alright. Your environment clearly picks up your negative, to the point of depressed energy. And, when you’re honest, you feel it yourself. You are clearly not at your best and you’ve started to feel sorry for yourself.

 

You start complaining that you work so hard and really, really give it all you’ve got. Even your best doesn’t seem to be enough! Which makes you angry since once you’ve read ‘The Four Agreements’ which says all you can do is your best.

 

Bottom line, you agree with yourself that life is just unfair and the world should feel sorry for you. As you do…

 

Wake up and read that book again!

 

Yes, it indeed says that all you can do is your best. Yet, it doesn’t promise at all that when you try something, it will always be a great success, nor does it define what success is.

 

Not every race you start, you will win, even if you did your very, very best.

 

It’s time to start making a distinction between not winning and being a loser. No, not being a winner doesn’t make you a loser! Nor does it mean you’re not good enough or tried hard enough.

 

It simply means the universe loves you so much that it avoids you becoming spoiled rotten and arrogant. You might be born with a golden spoon in your mouth, yet sometimes you will be fed something bitter on that golden spoon.

 

Just because life isn’t always only serving desserts and champagne! It’s a normal and even healthy part of life that we experience ups and downs. It forms and shapes us, it teaches us essential lessons.

 

I’m sure you get all this. You’re a smart person after all and looking back at the challenges life gave you, you probably even see the gift in the struggle.

 

What I find the toughest part in all of this, is to stand firm and not overreact in the midst of the storm. To hold on to the believe this storm will pass and that I’m experiencing this storm since I need to learn something. That I need to transform into an upgraded version of myself and that, before getting there, I have to go through the goo.

 

So, how do you choose to be whilst going from goo to good?

 

When life’s sand storms are shaping you, will you make the process even harder with all your complaining and feeling sorry for yourself?

 

Or do you choose to lean into the pain, take some deep breaths and hold your head up high?

 

Yes, even when we go through difficult times, we’re at choice. How we choose to be whilst we’re in the midst of a storm, will make a huge difference how we’ll experience the storm.

 

It’s a tough one and I frequently fail myself. These are the moments that I’m grateful to have people around who love me so much, that they give me honest feedback on my behaviour. And at the same time put an arm around my shoulder, asking what I need to stand tall. This takes a lot since it’s much easier to complain about someone’s behaviour, than to be there for them. With loving, courageous honesty.

 

Sometimes we’re the one that struggles. Sometimes we’re the witness. In both cases our response to that makes all the difference. Murphy’s law nor Mercury’s retrogrgrade are there to tease you. They’re there just to test and grow you. If you dare to allow it and choose to create something good from going through the goo.

 

{MY PERSONAL INVITATION} Join me on a series of group Zoom calls on Friday, March 20 and Saturday, March 21st.

 

I want to be there to support YOU on how to go from “Goo to Good” and create from the mess in these challenging times.

 

I want to share my vision on how we coaches can show up as leaders in all of this. For ourselves, our loved ones, our community, our clients. I also want to hear your thoughts and brainstorm. This is a time to co-create!

 

1st call 20.03.20 at 14PM – FULLY BOOKED

 

{RESPECT CHALLENGE} This week I want to challenge you to just say a conscious and genuine THANK YOU to the people who serve you. 

 

• Thank you for the work YOU do. 
• Thank You for YOUR service. 
• Thank You for YOUR kindness.

 

What would be the impact of that? Please share in the comments below. Maybe also from how the people on the receiving end respond…

 

Watch my video below 🙂 

 

 

The other day I shared a FB post about celebrating 18 years of marriage.

I shared that during this time we experienced many moments of love as well as that we struggled. That we experienced some exciting adventures together and that it sometimes was just boring. That we made a lot of money and we lost it all. That serious illness was part of the game for many years. As was the process of healing. 

 

Amongst many congratulations, smileys and “way to go” messages, there were questions  about me daring to share all this personal stuff.

 

Let’s get real..

 

What is personal about talking about ups in relationships? What is personal to talk about downs in relationships. What makes us keep up appearances and  play the “pretending everything is fine” game.

 

You know what?

 

F*CK “keeping up appearances” .

 

Do this instead.

 

 

My mom told me that the first sentence I could speak when I was a little boy was: “Alex can do it alone.” If my mom would have been a coach back then, she could have asked: “Alex, what is important to you about that?”  And maybe, if I were a smart-ass kid, I would have said: “I’m honouring my value of independence.”

 

Something like that. Total BS, of course 🙂 As a little boy, I just wanted to try out things and discover the world on my own.

 

Later on, when this little boy grew in a bit of a bigger boy, he was still trying to do everything alone. Totally convinced that this is the best way.

 

Eventually I discovered that there is nothing wrong with value of independence or doing things alone. Yet, you are human, social  being. And you are meant to be in interaction with  other people. You are meant to use each other’s skills, each other’s talents in order to create something bigger together.

 

So I’ve discovered the quality of Asking For Help. Because I can’t do everything on my own. And it is amazing to see  how people are kind enough to offer their help when you just ask for it. They surprise you even with how far they would go for that.

 

Asking for help is often something that we shy away from. And it proved  to be actually Leadership Skill N1.

 

I’m curious to know what is your relationship with it?

 

Today I wanted to talk with you about my dog, Bibi. The best dog in the world.

 

And my dog is a Border Collie. Something that stands out about this kind of dog is their “will to please”. No greater joy than pleasing their boss.

 

This quality would make any employee the employee of the year:-)

 

They please and please and will do so even to the point it’ll kill them.

 

An inexperienced owner of a border collie can overlook how tired they actually are, to the point they could drop dead in their unstoppable will to please. I call this overdeveloped will to please  –  the “Border Collie Syndrome”.

 

And sadly enough, you and I sometimes suffer from that same Border Collie Syndrome. What is it  that makes us act as we are the Border Collie dogs?  And what I invite you to do instead?

 

Check my video answer below:

 

 

P.S. Please, share your thoughts in the comments below.

CTI’s #Certification program is probably the biggest gift you can give yourself. Both for your professional growth as a coach as well as for you personally.

 

I did it many years ago and it boosted my practice and my confidence.