Alex Verlek, Author at Alex Verlek

My mom told me that the first sentence I could speak when I was a little boy was: “Alex can do it alone.” If my mom would have been a coach back then, she could have asked: “Alex, what is important to you about that?” And maybe, if I were a smart-ass kid, I would have said: “I’m honouring my value of independence.”

Something like that. Total BS, of course 🙂 As a little boy, I just wanted to try out things and discover the world on my own.

Later on, when this little boy grew in a bit of a bigger boy, he was still trying to do everything alone. Totally convinced that this is the best way.

Eventually I discovered that there is nothing wrong with value of independence or doing things alone. Yet, you are human, social being. And you are meant to be in interaction with other people. You are meant to use each other’s skills, each other’s talents in order to create something bigger together.

So I’ve discovered the quality of Asking For Help. Because I can’t do everything on my own. And it is amazing to see how people are kind enough to offer their help when you just ask for it. They surprise you even with how far they would go for that.

Asking for help is often something that we shy away from. And it proved to be actually Leadership Skill N1.

I’m curious to know what is your relationship with it?

Today I wanted to talk with you about my dog, Bibi. The best dog in the world.

And my dog is a Border Collie. Something that stands out about this kind of dog is their “will to please”. No greater joy than pleasing their boss.

This quality would make any employee the employee of the year:-)

They please and please and will do so even to the point it’ll kill them.

An inexperienced owner of a border collie can overlook how tired they actually are, to the point they could drop dead in their unstoppable will to please. I call this overdeveloped will to please – the “Border Collie Syndrome”.

And sadly enough, you and I sometimes suffer from that same Border Collie Syndrome. What is it that makes us act as we are the Border Collie dogs? And what I invite you to do instead?

Check my video answer below:

P.S. Please, share your thoughts in the comments below.

CTI’s #Certification program is probably the biggest gift you can give yourself. Both for your professional growth as a coach as well as for you personally.

I did it many years ago and it boosted my practice and my confidence.

Now I’m holding all the roles in the program which gives me the privilege to witness and support many of you whilst in this powerful program.

Individual supervision for many is the absolute favourite part of Certification. And, maybe at the same time, the most hated… It seems that we supervisors almost like it to make you feel consciously incompetent…

We tell what works really well in your coaching. And then we say the famous “yes, and…” Fair chance that you (or your Saboteurs) hear that as “yes, BUT…”

Immediately forgetting what was said about what did work in your coaching. Maybe leaving the call feeling you’ll never get it.

The Dip…again…?

You took notes since you’re an eager learner. After a good cry, complaining to your partner or your cat and clearing with your podlings, you prepare for your next coaching. All notes spread out over your desk, post-its on your screen and lists with powerful questions taped to the wall whilst the model stares at you from the ceiling. You’ve got it all prepared, this time you’ve got to do it right!

You’re going to dance in this moment with full focus on the whole person. You’re not going to fix your client and transformation must happen. On the spot!

Guess what… in spite of all your preparations and good intentions, you feel your coaching totally sucked…?

Here is what happened. You made this coaching a triad. Your client, you, and your supervisor!
In your mind the words of your supervisor echoed. “Do this, don’t do that. Be like this, don’t be like that”.

Whilst working with your client you were still focused on (the feedback of) your supervisor. You were perfectly consciously incompetent in level 1. Versus connecting with the most important person in the room, your client, you were connected to your supervisor!

To use a metaphor, you were making love with one person yet thinking about somebody else. That usually doesn’t lead to the best sex…

Take your notes, make your cheat sheets, take in the feedback from your supervisor. Yet when you coach, let it all be, trusting you will remember what you need to remember. You’ve got this!!!

In the purest way, be in love with your client and give them what they deserve: YOU BEING PRESENT.

Just a thought?

Here we are.

It’s already mid-January. Time flies when one is having fun, isn’t it?

And here is an intriguing thing. I hear a lot of people talking about New Year’s Resolutions. They’re actually not just talking about it. They are complaining about it.

They want those extra kilos to go, zero alcohol, marathon level of jogging and exercises, daily meditation practices.

All that from the 1st of January. Of course.

All those are great intentions. And yet…

Here we are in the second half of January. The kilos are still there, the first bottles of wine have been opened and frequently it’s just too cold for jogging or way too early for morning meditations.

Isn’t it intriguing? Because all those people with NY Resolutions are brilliant and smart people.
What is it that those New Year’s Resolutions do not work? And what I invite you to do instead?

Check my video answer below:

P.S. Please, share your thoughts in the comments below.

The other day, in the feedback round of a course I’d been leading, a participant shared that I inspired her to reconnect with the child in her. When she spoke, she had happy tears in her eyes. Her eyes sparkled. They sparkled with a different kind of energy. I saw playfulness and creativity. Lightness and joy. Hope and even a tiny bit of ‘not giving a fuck’. A bit rebellious maybe, ready to stir things up.
This feedback felt as one of the bigger compliments I’ve received in a long time…

You know, when we look at those young kids, don’t we all melt a bit?

When we see how carefree they dare to be, aren’t we all a bit jealous?

When we witness how they respond when they make a mistake – and just keep trying – aren’t we all longing to have that back again?

Aren’t we longing back to those years where we were still clueless what ‘ego’ or ‘perfectionism’ meant? Where we weren’t aware of ‘politically correct’?

These years of our pure, childlike innocence and playfulness. Where did they go…..?

Maybe that’s even the wrong question to ask! Maybe instead ask yourself, where did the child in me go?

You’re still the same person, your DNA didn’t change. In essence, you’re still the same. Ok, I totally get that with growing up certain responsibilities come. Yet, does it all have to be so serious? Really…?

My longing for you is that you reconnect with your inner child and listen with an open heart for what it’s asking, or even screaming for. What is it that wants to break free again? You didn’t go through your teenage years to become a boring adult after all, did you?

Here is a request: will you look for a picture of you as a child and spend some time reconnecting with what you see, what you feel in its essence?

Then compare that with what you now see in the mirror. On a picture where you’re not posing to look impressive on social media.

What do you notice?

From there, what do you long for?

So, the first blog post of 2020, and, of course, all my best wishes to you and your loved ones. May this year be the year of your dreams coming true. Last Sunday I made one of my dreams coming true and climbed the 2000 meters high mountain near my house. On Sunday I decided to climb that mountain and I must admit that on the way I thought of quitting several times.

I thought: “You are not trained enough. You are not prepared enough, It’s too much. It’s too silly. Why don’t you stop here, enjoy the view and go back?”.

And …I didn’t.

It have to admit it took a lot of effort, but I got up there. And the moment I got up there was a moment of victory. It was a victory over myself as I am not competing with anyone else. And I was welcomed by a couple of beautiful ibex. It was such a gift to see them. And it was just a beautiful metaphor for if you commit to do something and you continue. You just continue at your own pace, one step at time – you will get there. Whatever “there” means to you.

Watch my video from the mountains below:

So this is the metaphor for this year:

What are the mountains YOU want to climb this year?
How kind will you be to yourself while climbing YOUR mountains?

Please, share your thoughts in the comments below.

{HAPPY NEW YEAR} As we leave 2019 behind us, I wish you and your loved ones all the best in the new decade to come. And I’m curious what does it take for you to make this decade really count? Watch the last video of 2019 below and share your intentions for 2020 with me.

P.S. Mine are clear: self care and (self) compassion. What are yours?

Towards the end of the year, many of us start looking at the next. What do we want that new year to bring? We have great intentions about quitting smoking or other unhealthy habits. We start buying new sports gear and are convinced that 10k run, if not marathon, will happen in the new year. To support that process, and to get rid of these additional kilos, we accept that great offer the gym has. Under the Christmas tree we might even promise ourselves to be more generous and loving. To forgive that person who harmed us and make up with the person whom we’ve harmed. Make that friendship work again. Stop looking at other ‘interesting’ people and recommit to our relationship. Start that master, go for that promotion. Meditate frequently. Go to yoga class. Stop spending so much on useless stuff and be more respectful to the environment. All that good stuff!

Recognize it? How much of this is also on your list this year?

And… how much is this list different from last year or the year before?
For so many of us Einstein’s definition of insanity is applicable! We expect different results without changing our habits. Yep, pretty insane!

There is good news! Because ‘in the midst of difficulty lies opportunity’ and you probably even know that ‘no problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it’ so you are willing to learn and change your shit.

Since you don’t care so much about ‘becoming a (wo)man of success, but rather become a (wo)man of value’, let’s ‘look for what is and not for what you think should be’.

Since it is a very ‘important thing to not stop questioning – curiosity has its own reason for existing’ after all – let’s look at the lessons last year gave us so generously! You’ve tried your very best and still you find yourself at more or less the same place as the year before. So, use that ‘special talent of yours: be passionately curious’! Before looking ahead, look back at what history has to teach you. From those lessons, imagine how you could do things differently. The trick is to not copy paste the knowledge you’ve harvested from those lessons. ‘Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world’! To not make the same mistakes as last year(s) you have to rethink and re-invent yourself, your life. Maybe even ‘believe in intuitions and inspirations’! Because sometimes you don’t know why but you say to yourself ‘I don’t know that I am right but I simply feel that I am right’. So just follow your gut feeling!

It might also help to ‘look deep into nature to understand everything better’. Since ‘all religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree’. From there you might find different ways to look at this year’s resolutions and be in awe with mysterious results! After all, ‘the most beautiful experience we can have is a the mysterious’ one.
Sometimes life might get in the way and you feel stuck. You might consider giving up. Don’t! Remember ‘life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving’!

Well, maybe at the end of the day all these smart ass quotes aren’t going to make any difference to you. All that matters is that you, in all honesty ‘see with your own eyes and feel with your own heart’.
You don’t need to be an Einstein to be honest to yourself and understand if your behaviour will lead to the same results as last years or if it will finally be different this time. Because Einstein really had a point when he said that ‘insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results’.

Just saying.

At some point in time people chose a moment in the year to remember and celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. This became the most known celebration based on a Christian tradition. By now widely spread over the world and turned into a festive moment, regardless you consider yourself Christian or not.

Some are still consciously celebrating it for its original intention, for others it’s mainly a moment to take a break at the end of the year and get together with family. Often with special dinners, presents and dressing up for the occasion.

Though I’m born and raised in the Christian culture, and lots of that still means a lot to me, I’ve lost most of my enthusiasm around the whole thing. Yes, thing.

Once it was a warm and loving experience for me. The only present I got, was a book and some candy at Sunday school. I was looking forward to it for weeks and loved it for weeks after.

The biggest gift was the family dinner where the six of us were really happy with food which was only slightly different, slightly more luxurious from a regular Sunday dinner. It was special because we decided it was special. Even whilst writing these words, happy tears come to my eyes. I can still feel the special vibe…

Mom and dad, thank you; you clearly did something special there…

I’ve lost that vibe and even started to dislike this time of the year. The main thing I see is over the top commercial event it became. Where the rich 10% is overloading themselves with more of what we actually don’t really need. Presents get unpacked, yet the gift stays often unused or very quickly forgotten about. At the same time ignoring those who don’t even have a roof over their head or food on the table. Let’s forget presents…

If that’s what became of a Christian tradition, I don’t want to be a Christian…

Ok, I’ll stop being the embodiment of both Statler and Waldorf at the same time, these grumpy old men from the Muppet show!

Today I was listening again to one of my favourite books, ‘The book of Joy’ by bishop Desmond Tutu and his holiness the Dalai Lama. These representatives of two of the world’s major religions inspire me so much! They breath wisdom and peace. They teach love and preach forgiveness and gratitude. Through their whole life, they’ve walked the talk.

Looking at them, yes, I do want to be a Christian! And a Buddhist!

Witnessing my Muslim friends, I’m in awe with how they practice generosity and hospitality. How they open their house and heart for whomever they meet on their path. Because, that’s who they see as their brothers and sisters. Seeing that, yes, I do want to be a Muslim!

I have some very dear Jewish friends. Witnessing their rich traditions and how they choose to create peace and harmony, I can only have the deepest respect for them! Looking at that, yes, I do want to be a Jew!

Some of my friends don’t worship any God at all. Witnessing how they serve humanity and do whatever they can to make this world a bit of a better place, fills me with respect and hope. Looking at that, yes, I do want to be a humanist!

Oh yes, like Statler & Waldorf, we can choose to focus on where all these groups screw up. That’s easy and, like for me it did with Christmas, it can take away all its beauty. If that’s where we choose to look, guaranteed that’s what we’ll see!

For this Christmas I’m going to give myself a gift. I’m going to look at how I can be a Christian. A Jew. A Muslim. A Buddhist. As well as a humanist.

From there how I can bring light to the world.

How I can see the light in you, how I can love you.

And if you want to give me a gift this Christmas, show your light and, when I forget, just remind me to let mine shine. Brightly.