Be present whilst making love!

January 25, 2020

CTI’s #Certification program is probably the biggest gift you can give yourself. Both for your professional growth as a coach as well as for you personally.


I did it many years ago and it boosted my practice and my confidence.


Now I’m holding all the roles in the program which gives me the privilege to witness and support many of you whilst in this powerful program.


Individual supervision for many is the absolute favourite part of Certification. And, maybe at the same time, the most hated… It seems that we supervisors almost like it to make you feel consciously incompetent…


We tell what works really well in your coaching. And then we say the famous “yes, and…” Fair chance that you (or your Saboteurs) hear that as “yes, BUT…”


Immediately forgetting what was said about what did work in your coaching. Maybe leaving the call feeling you’ll never get it.


The Dip…again…?


You took notes since you’re an eager learner. After a good cry, complaining to your partner or your cat and clearing with your podlings, you prepare for your next coaching. All notes spread out over your desk, post-its on your screen and lists with powerful questions taped to the wall whilst the model stares at you from the ceiling. You’ve got it all prepared, this time you’ve got to do it right!


You’re going to dance in this moment with full focus on the whole person. You’re not going to fix your client and transformation must happen. On the spot!


Guess what… in spite of all your preparations and good intentions, you feel your coaching totally sucked…?


Here is what happened. You made this coaching a triad. Your client, you, and your supervisor!
In your mind the words of your supervisor echoed. “Do this, don’t do that. Be like this, don’t be like that”.


Whilst working with your client you were still focused on (the feedback of) your supervisor. You were perfectly consciously incompetent in level 1. Versus connecting with the most important person in the room, your client, you were connected to your supervisor!


To use a metaphor, you were making love with one person yet thinking about somebody else. That usually doesn’t lead to the best sex…


Take your notes, make your cheat sheets, take in the feedback from your supervisor. Yet when you coach, let it all be, trusting you will remember what you need to remember. You’ve got this!!!


In the purest way, be in love with your client and give them what they deserve: YOU BEING PRESENT.


Just a thought?

© Alex Verlek, January 2020

1 Comment

  1. Anonymous says:

    A great thought:) xx

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